|Posted by Donnaleigh on July 27, 2014 at 8:00 AM|
So....yeah. The news sucks right now.
There's too much happening, it's all serious and big, and so for me, no news is good news (that means turning off the news). So let's take a couple of badly behaved world leaders and have a little mischievous sporty play with them for some comic relief.
Suppose..... just suppose .... What if Valdmir Putin and Kim Jong-un went head-to-head in a bare-fisted one-on-one boxing match? Let's take a time-out from world duties and open a boxing ring with a neon sign:
VLADMIR PUTIN VS. KIM JONG-UN!
Who would win?
Yeah, I'm curious, too. Let's take bets! So here's what we'll do. Let's see who the cards favor.
Let's prepare for our fight:
Shuffle your favorite tarot deck or oracle system.
Draw 2 cards for each world leader:
Card 1- Represents his fighting style
Card 2 - What he delivers in the fight
And let the game begin!
Using the Deviant Moon Tarot, borderless edition,
here are the random fighting cards I got for each world leader:
1 - Putin's fighting style (Page of Pentacles)
Well, to put it bluntly, Putin fights like a girl (sorry ladies). Dainty and unsure on his fighting feet, he looks pretty wearing his ironed designer boxers but he's used to delegating, not swinging. Putin reveals he is a novice when it comes to the practical punch. During the fight, Putin first pulls from his pocket a metal tool (what, folks??), and the crowd gasps until they realize it's his phone and he's texting for back-up. Kim Jong-un throws it in the air behind him, Putin attempts to bargain and is heard saying, "Let me win this and I'll reimburse you your entire nuclear arsenal." However, Putin realizes this is serious shizzle when he is ignored and receives a swift blow, so he swings back....but Kim Jong-un remains standing and grins. Just as Putin prepares to slam Kim Jong-un with a low-blow, a warning whistle sounds from the referee bird above: "Hey! No hitting below the belt!"
2 - What Putin delivers (8 of Wands)
Putin delivers eight good, sharp blows, and yes, he hits below the belt, despite the warning. Rumor has it Putin bites his own tongue as red is seen dripping from the corner of his mouth. Kim Jong-un remains standing.....all 8 times. Oh, shiz-wizzlel!
1 - Kim Jong-un's fighting style (Strength)
Kim Jong-un shows the brawn here and stares Putin down, looking him right in the eye, and then...splits Putin's lip and reaches for his tonsils! Putin bites him, but there is no contest here, folks. Kim Jong-un pulls Putin by the lips and screams, "Who's your daddy!?" He delivers a fast, strong blow, pressing Putin to the ring floor with his right foot (looks like Kim Jong-un is using some martial arts here!) and Putin gasps like a fish out of water, despite one last attempt to trip his aggressor by the ankle. The effort is fruitless and Kim Jong-un squashes Putin in a knock-out victory. Putin is out cold.
2 - What Kim Jong-un delivers (Death!)
Rumor has it that Kim Jong-un was heard saying just before the final death squash: "I ... squish ... your .... head." Like a child being punished, Putin cries uncle and begs for mercy until... (narrator winces here), he becomes a fish fry. A clean knock out is delivered by Kim Jong-un as Putin falls to the center of the ring. There is no messing around here...this is the final bell for Putin.
Kim Jong-un is seen doing a victory dance that -- strangely -- resembles ...The Macarena??
And that is today's fight, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not sure where this leaves us, other than one less world leader yet the other remains, unfortunately, more puffed-up than he already was. The victory trophy is handed to Kim Jong-un by a fish in a glitter bikini. He looks at the trophy and lets out a low growl when he realizes the inscription says, "The bearer of this trophy relinquishes world dominion."
(My next plan is to get Hilary Clinton in the ring with Kim Jong-un. And I know where my money's going, girls! He may not fight fair, but she fights square).
Who do your cards favor in a world-leader boxing match?
May the news be ever in your favor.
And now... back to our regularly scheduled world events.
Categories: Life Experiences as Seen through Tarot